Remembering the Good: Why Childhood Wasn’t Only About the Trauma
Disclaimer: The reflections shared here speak to general patterns I’ve observed in the U.S. and in my own healing journey. They may not apply to those who experienced severe or traumatic upbringings. Please take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and know this is meant as an invitation rather than a prescription.
When I first started digging into my healing journey, I knew at some point I’d have to look back at my childhood. That’s part of the work—unpacking the early years, the patterns, the imbalances that shaped you.
And honestly? At first, it sucked.
Because when I looked back, all I could see were the hard moments. The stress. The tension in the house. The times when everything felt loud and overwhelming. And that was confusing—because I knew I had a good childhood. There was laughter, fun, family traditions, love. But my brain just kept replaying the negative.
Turns out, that isn’t just me—that’s psychology.
Why We Remember the Bad First
Our brains are wired with what psychologists call a negativity bias. It’s a survival mechanism—humans are designed to notice danger more quickly than safety. If your ancestors ignored a rustle in the bushes, they might not have lived long enough to pass on their genes. So your nervous system naturally latches onto what felt threatening or stressful.
That means when you look back, your mind often highlights the fights, the tense dinners, the unspoken hurts—because those were moments your body registered as “important” for survival. The positive memories are still there, but they can get overshadowed.
The Cost of Only Seeing the Pain
When the focus is only on what went wrong, we can end up rewriting childhood as if it was only trauma. That’s rarely the full picture. And when we do this, it can reinforce feelings of resentment, distance, or even hopelessness about the past.
The irony? By remembering only the pain, we carry more of it forward.
The Yogic Lens: Pain as an Invitation
From a yogic perspective, when you find yourself looking back and only seeing the negative, it’s an invitation to notice: what am I still holding onto energetically?
This is where the karmic cycle comes in. Life has a way of presenting the same lessons until we see them clearly and grow from them. What we don’t resolve internally often shows up externally as repeated patterns—almost like we’re projecting them onto the world around us so we can learn from them.
So when the house was fighting, that too was a lesson. Maybe it was an invitation for someone to notice their nervous system needed calming. Maybe it was a chance to pause, breathe, and shift the energy together. Sometimes it could even be as simple as a family activity to bring everyone back into connection.
These moments don’t just show us where there’s pain—they show us where there’s an opportunity to practice presence, create balance, and make a plan to do things differently.
Resourcing the Nervous System with the Good
And here’s where psychology and yoga meet: you don’t heal by only revisiting the pain. You also heal by remembering the joy.
In trauma-informed psychology, this is called resourcing. In yoga, it mirrors balancing energy—bringing light to shadow. By deliberately recalling laughter, safety, or connection, you remind your body that your story is bigger than the moments of tension. Both are part of your wholeness.
An Invitation
I’d like to invite you into a practice this week:
Write it down. Grab a notebook and jot down some of the imbalances or tense memories from your childhood that still linger. The ones that feel heavy or unresolved.
Balance the page. For each one, recall a memory of joy, connection, or safety. Write it down alongside the pain.
Pause and feel. Notice what shifts in your body when you hold both together.
This is yoga off the mat: the practice of noticing where you hold pain, honoring the lessons life is offering, and gently allowing balance back in.
Healing isn’t about erasing your past. It’s about embracing the full story—the laughter, the pain, and the resilience that comes from holding both.
✨ Thank you for reading! If this post resonated with you, I invite you to keep exploring—there are many more reflections and resources waiting for you on my blog.
I’d also love to hear from you—send me a message or share your thoughts in the comments on my social media posts. Let’s keep the conversation going.
And if you haven’t already, make sure to follow me on Instagram @wellnessbyjeri for insights, inspiration, and behind-the-scenes shares from my healing journey.
🌿 Ready to go deeper? You can also book a 1:1 virtual appointment with me to receive personalized support on your wellness journey.
With love,
Jeri
